Questions so diverse continue to come in! Where do I begin? First, it seems from the tone of your question that your pastor has somewhat offended you. This is never his or her intention with anyone. I speak from 35 years in the pastoral ministry, so let me give you my perspective.
Pastors live in glass houses, and it's not an entirely comfortable place. I must confess that I tire of people trying to fit me into their perceived modes, but I guess this is one of the occupational hazards of being a pastor. My desire, which is the same for most pastors, is that people accept me for who I am, not what they think I should be.
Like you, I'm drawn to certain types of personalities and am somewhat uncomfortable with others. This doesn't make me right or wrong; it's just the way it is. You and I are comfortable with people who allow us to be ourselves--without reservation or qualification.
As a pastor, I've had to learn "how" to talk with people. In other words, I must learn how to best relate to peoples' expectations. This is not always easy. Some demand that I talk "church" or what I refer to as "Christianese." They prefer that I play the pastor role. And that's okay! Others prefer that I hide my struggles and demonstrate a victorious demeanor, regardless of my present situation. They even become upset when I show perceived spiritual flaws or weaknesses. Still others prefer that I be "Pastor Roger." Only a few allow me to be "just plain Roger." While I appreciate the honor and respect shown to me, I still long for people to love and accept me--warts and all. And YOUR pastor wants this, too. But perhaps, I dream the impossible dream.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 8:22-23, "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might win some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." What's Paul's overriding principle? He understood that people placed individual expectations on him, and he lived so as to affect as many people as possible for the gospel. And I'm okay with this principle.
Let me describe the types of people that I'm uncomfortable with and then I'll close with those types that make me feel safe. (You will find that your pastor can relate to what I'm about to say...and maybe YOU do, too!)
1. The super-spiritual, always praising Jesus type--I love Jesus as much as the next guy, but I've never found it necessary to carry a big Bible, quote Scripture to everyone I meet and talk ONLY about the things of God. These kinds of people unnerve me because I can't help but feel they're usually hiding something. They over-compensate and get flaky. I can't help but feel that Jesus laughed with His disciples while sitting around the campfire, and that He even wrestled in the dirt with impetuous Peter! In other words, Jesus was relevant; He was real!
2. The surprise attackers--These are the ones who approach me with a crooked smile and even a semi-kind demeanor, and then when they see that my guard is down, they stab me in the heart with a harsh, cruel comment--usually an unjust criticism.
3. The shockers--These are the ones who love to employ shock value when in conversation. They use inappropriate words or phrases that I'm very uncomfortable with. These kinds of people live "one the edge," and sometimes I wonder where their heart really is. I don't feel we need to give people a reason to doubt our Christian authenticity.
4. Carnal Christians--None of us talk, act and think like Jesus all the time, but we should make it our life's intention to hug up to the cross as closely as possible. That's why these people make me uncomfortable. When women say suggestive things or make inappropriate gestures around me, I want to be like Joseph and run! Men, too, can be carnal, especially when they employ vulgar language and obviously try to compete with me for whatever reason.
5. The blood suckers--These are high maintenance, low impact people who perpetually steal my time and energies, and give nothing in return but negative input. Of course, I love these people, but I find that a "little goes a long way!"
6. The "I love you, but..." people--Believe me, whatever follows "but" is seldom good. When people begin their conversation with this phrase or "Can we talk?" it's usually not a good thing. At such times I want to run for my life!
Now to the people to whom I love to talk:
1. People who love me unconditionally and expect nothing but my love, transparency and "realness" in return.
2. People who do not try to conform me into their image, but allow me to be who I am.
3. People who understand that I'm a hopelessly flawed man, who's saved by the same grace they are, who struggles with daily life, and who just happens to be a pastor.
4. People who know me and still accept my influence as their spiritual leader.
5. People who do not demand perfection, and allow me to be the "work in progress" that I am.
Have I chased rabbits in answering your question? Maybe your Pastor has placed you in one of the above negative categories? Really think about it.
And then, will you pray that God will help both your Pastor and me to walk "in Christ" and to be the unique people He's made us to be?
