Why do I see my Pastor laughing with some people; then when I come around he gets serious?
Questions so diverse continue to come in! Where do I begin? First, it seems from the tone of your question that your pastor has somewhat offended you. This is never his or her intention with anyone. I speak from 35 years in the pastoral ministry, so let me give you my perspective.
Pastors live in glass houses, and it's not an entirely comfortable place. I must confess that I tire of people trying to fit me into their perceived modes, but I guess this is one of the occupational hazards of being a pastor. My desire, which is the same for most pastors, is that people accept me for who I am, not what they think I should be.
Like you, I'm drawn to certain types of personalities and am somewhat uncomfortable with others. This doesn't make me right or wrong; it's just the way it is. You and I are comfortable with people who allow us to be ourselves--without reservation or qualification.
As a pastor, I've had to learn "how" to talk with people. In other words, I must learn how to best relate to peoples' expectations. This is not always easy. Some demand that I talk "church" or what I refer to as "Christianese." They prefer that I play the pastor role. And that's okay! Others prefer that I hide my struggles and demonstrate a victorious demeanor, regardless of my present situation. They even become upset when I show perceived spiritual flaws or weaknesses. Still others prefer that I be "Pastor Roger." Only a few allow me to be "just plain Roger." While I appreciate the honor and respect shown to me, I still long for people to love and accept me--warts and all. And YOUR pastor wants this, too. But perhaps, I dream the impossible dream.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 8:22-23, "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might win some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." What's Paul's overriding principle? He understood that people placed individual expectations on him, and he lived so as to affect as many people as possible for the gospel. And I'm okay with this principle.
Let me describe the types of people that I'm uncomfortable with and then I'll close with those types that make me feel safe. (You will find that your pastor can relate to what I'm about to say...and maybe YOU do, too!)
1. The super-spiritual, always praising Jesus type--I love Jesus as much as the next guy, but I've never found it necessary to carry a big Bible, quote Scripture to everyone I meet and talk ONLY about the things of God. These kinds of people unnerve me because I can't help but feel they're usually hiding something. They over-compensate and get flaky. I can't help but feel that Jesus laughed with His disciples while sitting around the campfire, and that He even wrestled in the dirt with impetuous Peter! In other words, Jesus was relevant; He was real!
2. The surprise attackers--These are the ones who approach me with a crooked smile and even a semi-kind demeanor, and then when they see that my guard is down, they stab me in the heart with a harsh, cruel comment--usually an unjust criticism.
3. The shockers--These are the ones who love to employ shock value when in conversation. They use inappropriate words or phrases that I'm very uncomfortable with. These kinds of people live "one the edge," and sometimes I wonder where their heart really is. I don't feel we need to give people a reason to doubt our Christian authenticity.
4. Carnal Christians--None of us talk, act and think like Jesus all the time, but we should make it our life's intention to hug up to the cross as closely as possible. That's why these people make me uncomfortable. When women say suggestive things or make inappropriate gestures around me, I want to be like Joseph and run! Men, too, can be carnal, especially when they employ vulgar language and obviously try to compete with me for whatever reason.
5. The blood suckers--These are high maintenance, low impact people who perpetually steal my time and energies, and give nothing in return but negative input. Of course, I love these people, but I find that a "little goes a long way!"
6. The "I love you, but..." people--Believe me, whatever follows "but" is seldom good. When people begin their conversation with this phrase or "Can we talk?" it's usually not a good thing. At such times I want to run for my life!
Now to the people to whom I love to talk:
1. People who love me unconditionally and expect nothing but my love, transparency and "realness" in return.
2. People who do not try to conform me into their image, but allow me to be who I am.
3. People who understand that I'm a hopelessly flawed man, who's saved by the same grace they are, who struggles with daily life, and who just happens to be a pastor.
4. People who know me and still accept my influence as their spiritual leader.
5. People who do not demand perfection, and allow me to be the "work in progress" that I am.
Have I chased rabbits in answering your question? Maybe your Pastor has placed you in one of the above negative categories? Really think about it.
And then, will you pray that God will help both your Pastor and me to walk "in Christ" and to be the unique people He's made us to be?
The Bible tells us not to judge others in Matthew 7:1, so how can Christians serve on juries?
Wow! Your question is thought-provoking!
Let's dissect Matthew 7:1-2 to first discover what the gospel writer is really talking about.
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
In this passage Jesus condemns the habit of criticizing others while ignoring one's own faults and shortcomings. Believers must first submit themselves to God's righteous standard before attempting to examine and influence the conduct of other Christians. In addition, judging others in an unjust manner also includes condemning a wrongdoer without desiring to see the offender return to God and His ways.
On the other hand, this passage must not be used as an excuse for laxity in exercising church discipline. Jesus is not taking away from the necessity of exercising certain degrees of discernment or of making value judgments with respect to sin in others. Elsewhere in the New Testament (Matthew 7:15, John 7:24, 1 Corinthians 5:12, Galatians 1:9, 1 Timothy 4:1, etc.) we are commanded to identify false ministers within the church and to evaluate the character of individuals.
Now back to your question. How can Christians then serve on juries? Human government is an institution set up by God for many reasons, including the function of properly judging and protecting the masses and individuals from those who practice wrongdoing.
Let's go to Exodus 18 and learn the principle that God taught Moses through his father-in-law, Jethro. Because of man's inherent sinful condition, there always have been wrongdoers and law breakers. God knew that, and instituted a way to properly judge these individuals, thus giving them due recompense.
In Exodus 18:13-22 we read:
"The next day Moses took his seat to serve as judge for the people, and they stood around him from morning till evening. When his father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he said, 'What is this you are doing for the people? Why do you alone sit as judge, while all these people stand around you from morning till evening?' Moses answered him, 'Because the people come to me to seek God's will. Whenever they have a dispute, it is brought to me, and I decide between the parties and inform them of God's decrees and laws.' Moses' father-in-law replied, 'What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. Listen now to me and I will give you some advice, and may God be with you. You must be the peoples' representative before God and bring their disputes to Him. Teach them the decrees and laws, and show them the way to live and the duties they are to perform. But select capable men from all the people--men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain--and appoint them as officials...Have them serve as judges for the people at all times..."
God in His wisdom established government as a means of properly controlling, organizing, unifying, and implementing sound judgment. Of course, anything man touches, he usually corrupts, abuses or misuses. This is certainly true with governments at large. However, wrongdoing in this life must be judged in a calculated fashion. Therefore, God has made a way through judges to carry out this necessity. In our democratic system, juries are selected to carry out sound judgment, although in cases like the Casey Anthony trial, we rightfully wonder about our system's loopholes!
In Matthew 7:1-2, Jesus uses the word judge to refer to undo criticism of another individual when we ourselves have similar or even greater issues at hand.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (verse 4).
Thank you for your excellent question.
I know I have to forgive people who hurt me, but does that mean I have to trust them again, and does that mean I automatically forget the offense?"
If you missed last week's post, go here.
A lot of people allow the inequities and hurts of life to become their defining moments. They make a cognitive choice not to forgive. In short, they assign negative emotions to what happened and anger rules their lives. Remember, anger is a choice.
Obviously, Joseph remembered his brothers' harsh treatment years prior; however, he chose not to rehearse the details and to lay aside the emotional residue of his offense. In that respect, he was able to forgive and forget! When we place such matters in God's hand, it is possible to forgive those who sin against us. Forgiveness causes our memories to fade and our souls to heal. In a very real sense, we do forget. God heals our soul as we release our pain to Him in prayer. The Spirit of God heals both our mind and emotions.
How do we know when we've truly forgiven someone? When the offense comes to mind, if indeed it does, and it no longer hurts. The sting is gone! Prayer is therapeutic, and as we release those who hurt us, the Holy Spirit gives us a new interpretation of the situation and eliminates the pain. Remember, Joseph had thirteen years to process his pain! You can bet that his initial decision to forgive still held pain! Eventually, total forgiveness erases any negative memories and anger dissipates. Our Pentecostal forefathers called this "praying through." This is just one of the beautiful and practical aspects of sanctification.
Now let's turn to a more theological discussion. To fully experience they dynamics of forgiveness and forgetting, we need to understand the act of justification. Justification is God's judicial act of declaring believing sinners to be righteous and acceptable in His sight. It is a legal term. Justification is possible because Christ has borne the sinner's sin on the cross, and "has been made unto him righteousness" (1 Corinthians 1:30). Romans 3:24 says, "Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." Justification springs from the fountain of God's grace. "But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit" (Titus 3:4-5).
It is operative as the result of the redemptive and propitiatory sacrifice of Christ, Who has settled all the claims of the Law. Justification is on the basis of faith and not by human merit or works. In this marvelous operation of God, the Holy Judge of the universe judicially declares righteous the one who believes in Jesus. Romans 8:31-34 says, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all. How will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us."
A justified believer emerges from God's great court room with a consciousness that Another, his Substitute, has borne his guilt, and that he stands without accusation before the bar of God. The believer is justified in Christ and "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).
So, if God for Christ's sake forgives us, we can forgive others. And if God looks upon us "just as if we never sinned," then we can look upon those who sin against us in the same manner. It's all by His grace and empowerment. The prophet Micah was outspoken and fearless in denouncing the iniquities of Judah. However, he ended his prophecy with these wonderful words: "Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity and passes over the rebellious acts of the remnant of His possession? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in His unchanging love He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea" (7:18-19). Even God's anger does not keep score. He casts all confessed and repented of sin into His "sea of forgetfulness" to be remembered against us no more.
Yes, I definitely believe that in the biblical sense we can forgive and forget, with the Holy Spirit being our helper and strength!
I know I have to forgive people who hurt me, but does that mean I have to trust them again, and does that mean I automatically forget the offense?
I deal with this subject in my book, Anger Goes to Church. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to answer your question, which I cover in chapter 15. I got the author's permission! (Click on the book's title for ordering information.)
The New Living Translation renders 1 Corinthians 13:5 this way: "Love keeps no record when it has been wronged." Agape love, or God's love, produces amnesia! To God, confessed sin is forgotten sin. Psalm 103:12 says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." In Isaiah 43:25 the prophet writes, "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 38:17 says, "It is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness. For You have cast all my sins behind Your back." Psalm 103:3 reminds us that "If you, Lord should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?" Sin placed under the blood of Jesus is gone and forgotten. Hallelujah!
Ofen we hear people say, "I'll forgive, but I won't forget!" I used to subscribe to this way of thinking until the Lord challenged me one day. A lot of Christians buy into this unscriptural teaching. In reality, it's justification for continued grudge holding!
Forgive and forget. Is it possible? Yes and no! All of us have been hurt in the house of God, or in our families, or in our friendships--probably on many occasions. The prophet Zechariah said it this way: "I was wounded in the house of my friends" (13:6). Someone said, "I'm not God, so it's impossible for me to forget those hurtful people and situations in my life. I don't go brain dead when I forgive. I still remember the details!" That's not exactly true. Given time, none of us with one-hundred-percent accuracy remember the details of our lives. However, we do assign an amotion to everything that happens to us.
When offenses come our way, it's not our spirit man who gets wounded; it's our soul man. Our soul--mind, emotions and will--reacts negatively during times of offense. Again, we don't remember facts. We assign negative emotions to those facts. I am the middle of seven siblings. It's amazing when we get together as adults and discuss childhood memories. None of us agree on the facts, and all of us assign different emotions to what took place. Both positive and negative emotions surface, depending on individual interpretations of the facts!
Like people in general, Christians get hurt along life's journey. Jesus warned us that offenses will come, especially in the last days. "And then many will be offended..." (Matthew 24:10). However, we possess the indwelling Spirit Who helps us righteously process negative experiences that afflict our souls. Through prayer, God assigns new interpretations to our negative experiences. What people sometimes mean for evil, God reverses for our well being--and theirs!
Genesis 50 concludes with the story of Joseph. Now second in command in the land of Egypt, he says something to his brothers that illustrates this process. Joseph had been terribly mistreated by his brothers. At 17, he was cast into a pit--probably an empty, deep well--because of their jealousy. Later he was sold to a caravan of Ishmaelite traders on their way to Egypt. During the next 13 years he faced his share of trials, but in the plan and purpose of God he ultimately triumphed and ended up as Egypt's prime minister.
Psalm 105:17-19 describes his plight: "He sent a man before them, even Joseph, who was sold for a servant: Whose feet they hurt with fetters: he was laid in iron: Until the time that this word came: the word of the Lord tried him." I'm sure Joseph experienced many anxious days and anger during those trying years.
Eventually, a severe famine in their homeland drove his brothers to Egypt to seek relief. Joseph, of course recognized his siblings, but withheld his identity long enough to weigh their motives. A game of cat and mouse centering on his beloved brother Benjamin followed until Joseph became convinced of his brothers' changed hearts. When life brings pain and unfair days, we have two choices. We either respond negatively or positively. We get bitter or better. One definition of forgiveness is "relinquishing our rights to get even, or to take matters into our own hands." In the soul realm, Joseph perhaps had ever right to punish his brothers. Instead, he chose to embrace a righteous interpretation of the facts.
"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many peoples alive" (Genesis 50:20). This was Joseph's defining moment!
We will continue with this answer next week...
