Pastor Roger, I frequently hear about Christians divorcing. How can two people who say they love Jesus Christ go ahead and divorce?
I, too, am saddened by this reality. We believe that Jesus Christ makes a difference in the lives of those who trust Him as Savior. I will do my best to answer this most difficult question. Divorce between unbelieving mates is still sad, but at least we can understand how unregenerated hearts make such decisions. It it most disconcerting, however, when two professed believers opt for divorce.
The reason that immediately comes to mind is due to the hardness of men's hearts. Husbands and wives can harden their hearts toward the things of God, refuse to forgive one another and ultimately choose divorce. They harden their hearts much the same way that Pharaoh hardened his heart toward the Israelites regarding their exodus from Egypt.
Proverbs 28:14 warns, "He who hardens his heart falls into trouble." Unfortunately, the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible translates Pharaoh's actions this way: "And God hardened Pharaoh's heart..." The truth is that Pharaoh allowed circumstances to harden his heart. He made a conscious choice not to heed Moses and Aaron's repeated warnings. Judas Iscariot also chose to harden his heart against the Master. We, too, are given choices! We can either submit to God's Word or we can reject it. The preached Word hardens or softens men's heart, depending on their choice. And the more we reject the Word, the more heart-hardened we become.
Jesus touched on this principle in Matthew 19:7-8. "'Why then,' they [Pharisees] asked, 'did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?' Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.'"
In His parable of the sower in Matthew 13, Jesus talks about the different types of ground (hearts) that the seed of God's Word falls on. Husbands and wives, when in the throes of relational difficulties have a choice. They choose their own soil condition--hard, rocky, shallow, thorn-infested, or good soil. Hardened soil does not allow the Word to be sown in our hearts. "The devil comes along and snatches away what was sown" (verse 19). Rocky conditions may even receive the Word with joy. "But since (the individual) has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble comes...because of the Word, he quickly falls away"(verse 20).
Years ago I heard this quote: Marriage is the union of two forgivers. This is so true! Life has a way of bringing offenses into all relationships, but none more impacting than our marriages. Satan loves to destroy Christian marriages. That's why we need to walk in forgiveness. Jesus' "seventy times seven" principle must be put into action from the very beginning of all marriages. He's not relating a mathematical formula as much as He's saying to forgive one another as often as it is necessary.
Don't let offenses "get on you." Relinquish your hurts and pain through the power of forgiveness! I'm convinced that through Christ all things are possible. Even the worst of scenarios--unfaithful partners, adultery, etc.--can be forgiven. Christ in us enables us to be "more than conquerors."
I'm not saying these times are easy, but do we really believe what we preach? I know there are many times extenuating circumstances, but for the most part, God's people have Someone living inside them Who is able to walk us through the darkest of days into the light of God's mercy and forgiveness.
Divorce is a "hot potato" in the church world. Still, I believe Christian couples should take advantage of every means available to save their troubled marriages. What a testimony it is for the Lord when struggling couples stand up and give testimony to God's righteous intervention in their homes! I believe that serving the Lord SHOULD and DOES make a difference in our marriages and homes.
It's time that God's people rise up and say, "ENOUGH!" In a day when Christian marriages are failing percentage-wise with those of unbelievers, we need to prove to the world that serving Jesus DOES make a difference. His power is mighty to save, heal and deliver!
I know I have to forgive people who hurt me, but does that mean I have to trust them again, and does that mean I automatically forget the offense?"
If you missed last week's post, go here.
A lot of people allow the inequities and hurts of life to become their defining moments. They make a cognitive choice not to forgive. In short, they assign negative emotions to what happened and anger rules their lives. Remember, anger is a choice.
Obviously, Joseph remembered his brothers' harsh treatment years prior; however, he chose not to rehearse the details and to lay aside the emotional residue of his offense. In that respect, he was able to forgive and forget! When we place such matters in God's hand, it is possible to forgive those who sin against us. Forgiveness causes our memories to fade and our souls to heal. In a very real sense, we do forget. God heals our soul as we release our pain to Him in prayer. The Spirit of God heals both our mind and emotions.
How do we know when we've truly forgiven someone? When the offense comes to mind, if indeed it does, and it no longer hurts. The sting is gone! Prayer is therapeutic, and as we release those who hurt us, the Holy Spirit gives us a new interpretation of the situation and eliminates the pain. Remember, Joseph had thirteen years to process his pain! You can bet that his initial decision to forgive still held pain! Eventually, total forgiveness erases any negative memories and anger dissipates. Our Pentecostal forefathers called this "praying through." This is just one of the beautiful and practical aspects of sanctification.
Now let's turn to a more theological discussion. To fully experience they dynamics of forgiveness and forgetting, we need to understand the act of justification. Justification is God's judicial act of declaring believing sinners to be righteous and acceptable in His sight. It is a legal term. Justification is possible because Christ has borne the sinner's sin on the cross, and "has been made unto him righteousness" (1 Corinthians 1:30). Romans 3:24 says, "Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." Justification springs from the fountain of God's grace. "But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit" (Titus 3:4-5).
It is operative as the result of the redemptive and propitiatory sacrifice of Christ, Who has settled all the claims of the Law. Justification is on the basis of faith and not by human merit or works. In this marvelous operation of God, the Holy Judge of the universe judicially declares righteous the one who believes in Jesus. Romans 8:31-34 says, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all. How will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God's elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us."
A justified believer emerges from God's great court room with a consciousness that Another, his Substitute, has borne his guilt, and that he stands without accusation before the bar of God. The believer is justified in Christ and "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).
So, if God for Christ's sake forgives us, we can forgive others. And if God looks upon us "just as if we never sinned," then we can look upon those who sin against us in the same manner. It's all by His grace and empowerment. The prophet Micah was outspoken and fearless in denouncing the iniquities of Judah. However, he ended his prophecy with these wonderful words: "Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity and passes over the rebellious acts of the remnant of His possession? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in His unchanging love He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea" (7:18-19). Even God's anger does not keep score. He casts all confessed and repented of sin into His "sea of forgetfulness" to be remembered against us no more.
Yes, I definitely believe that in the biblical sense we can forgive and forget, with the Holy Spirit being our helper and strength!
I know I have to forgive people who hurt me, but does that mean I have to trust them again, and does that mean I automatically forget the offense?
I deal with this subject in my book, Anger Goes to Church. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to answer your question, which I cover in chapter 15. I got the author's permission! (Click on the book's title for ordering information.)
The New Living Translation renders 1 Corinthians 13:5 this way: "Love keeps no record when it has been wronged." Agape love, or God's love, produces amnesia! To God, confessed sin is forgotten sin. Psalm 103:12 says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." In Isaiah 43:25 the prophet writes, "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 38:17 says, "It is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness. For You have cast all my sins behind Your back." Psalm 103:3 reminds us that "If you, Lord should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?" Sin placed under the blood of Jesus is gone and forgotten. Hallelujah!
Ofen we hear people say, "I'll forgive, but I won't forget!" I used to subscribe to this way of thinking until the Lord challenged me one day. A lot of Christians buy into this unscriptural teaching. In reality, it's justification for continued grudge holding!
Forgive and forget. Is it possible? Yes and no! All of us have been hurt in the house of God, or in our families, or in our friendships--probably on many occasions. The prophet Zechariah said it this way: "I was wounded in the house of my friends" (13:6). Someone said, "I'm not God, so it's impossible for me to forget those hurtful people and situations in my life. I don't go brain dead when I forgive. I still remember the details!" That's not exactly true. Given time, none of us with one-hundred-percent accuracy remember the details of our lives. However, we do assign an amotion to everything that happens to us.
When offenses come our way, it's not our spirit man who gets wounded; it's our soul man. Our soul--mind, emotions and will--reacts negatively during times of offense. Again, we don't remember facts. We assign negative emotions to those facts. I am the middle of seven siblings. It's amazing when we get together as adults and discuss childhood memories. None of us agree on the facts, and all of us assign different emotions to what took place. Both positive and negative emotions surface, depending on individual interpretations of the facts!
Like people in general, Christians get hurt along life's journey. Jesus warned us that offenses will come, especially in the last days. "And then many will be offended..." (Matthew 24:10). However, we possess the indwelling Spirit Who helps us righteously process negative experiences that afflict our souls. Through prayer, God assigns new interpretations to our negative experiences. What people sometimes mean for evil, God reverses for our well being--and theirs!
Genesis 50 concludes with the story of Joseph. Now second in command in the land of Egypt, he says something to his brothers that illustrates this process. Joseph had been terribly mistreated by his brothers. At 17, he was cast into a pit--probably an empty, deep well--because of their jealousy. Later he was sold to a caravan of Ishmaelite traders on their way to Egypt. During the next 13 years he faced his share of trials, but in the plan and purpose of God he ultimately triumphed and ended up as Egypt's prime minister.
Psalm 105:17-19 describes his plight: "He sent a man before them, even Joseph, who was sold for a servant: Whose feet they hurt with fetters: he was laid in iron: Until the time that this word came: the word of the Lord tried him." I'm sure Joseph experienced many anxious days and anger during those trying years.
Eventually, a severe famine in their homeland drove his brothers to Egypt to seek relief. Joseph, of course recognized his siblings, but withheld his identity long enough to weigh their motives. A game of cat and mouse centering on his beloved brother Benjamin followed until Joseph became convinced of his brothers' changed hearts. When life brings pain and unfair days, we have two choices. We either respond negatively or positively. We get bitter or better. One definition of forgiveness is "relinquishing our rights to get even, or to take matters into our own hands." In the soul realm, Joseph perhaps had ever right to punish his brothers. Instead, he chose to embrace a righteous interpretation of the facts.
"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many peoples alive" (Genesis 50:20). This was Joseph's defining moment!
We will continue with this answer next week...
