If a Couple is Planning to Marry, What's Wrong With Them Living Together?

"Pastor Roger, if a couple is planning to marry, what's wrong with them living together?  After all, a marriage license is just a piece of paper."

Frankly, this question stems from the fact that America, historically and culturally, has strayed from biblical absolutes.  What does it say to us that even unbelieving couples used to refer to this practice as "shacking up?"  I've been waiting for this question!  First, Christians do not align with cultural norms, but with the Word of God.  The Bible is our authoritative rule for living and conduct.  Let me come at this question from several angles.

1. Marriage is a covenant relationship between two people and God.  You're right, a piece of paper may seal the deal legally, but there's a much deeper principle at work here.  God places much importance on marriage vows.  He is a covenant God and married couples are required to live in covenant.  A covenant, by definition, is an unbreakable agreement between two people.  When couples choose to live together outside of God's covenant plan, what they're saying is "that if things don't work out, we can go our separate ways."  God's original plan was one man for one woman for life.  This is non-negotiable.  That's why it's so important that we marry the right person.
2. The Bible forbids fornication.  What is fornication?  Couples fornicate when they engage in sexual activity before they marry.  I've actually heard couples say, "We're not sleeping together."  Time out!  I was born at night, but not last night!  You cannot convince me that two sexually healthy, hormonally-driven people in love (or lust) are not going to engage in sexual activity, if given the opportunity.  I don't care how spiritual a couple is, they will eventually succumb to their sexual desires.  Get real!  Our fleshly appetites are fierce contenders.  Who are we kidding?  When couples have no accountability or are left alone without fear of interruptions, one or the other (probably both) is going to explore "south of the neckline."  Many promising couples have lost their virtue and testimony in the heat of passion.  God's plan is abstinence until marriage.  Of course, there's forgiveness for failure in this area, but it's better if couples not put themselves in the place to fornicate.  Frankly, perpetual fornicating is listed in the "not-inheriting-the-kingdom" list in 1 Corinthians 6:9.
3. Christians are not to be conformed by this world's standards (Romans 12:1-2).  Promiscuity is rampant in our society.  God still places a high premium on sexual purity.  When I was a teenager, my goal was to remain a virgin until my wedding night.  I formed this strong conviction before I started dating.  First, I did not date anyone I would not want to marry; and second, I did not forfeit my virtue at the expense of a young lady's reputation and trust; and third, I wanted my future wife to trust me after we married.  The enemy often downloads distrust and jealously in the lives of married couples who engage in sexual intercourse before they marry.  Jealousy and distrust are harsh taskmasters!
4. Couples need to understand the reality and power of "soul ties."  There are good and evil soul ties.  By definition, a soul tie is an attachment--physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually with another person.  Affairs usually begin with unhealthy emotional and mental soul ties, which then lead to physical involvement.  Sexual intercourse is much more than two bodies coming together.  It is body, soul and spirit coming together.  Sex outside the marriage covenant invites disaster every time.  The world encourages and applauds multiple sex partners, but God knew that true, healthy marriage relationships flourish only in monogamy.  Couples who live together before their vows are sealed in heaven and before men open themselves up to unhealthy soul ties--especially those who break up.  Sexual intercourse, of course, consummates marriage, and marriages are not apt to survive that have to "live down" countless ungodly soul ties.
5. The Bible says to avoid the very appearance of evil.  Christians march to the beat of a different drummer.  We are the ecclesia, the "called out ones," who have been called out of darkness into His marvelous light.  We live above the pull of sin, the flesh and the devil.  Our morals, values and conduct run opposite to what the world models.  We are a peculiar people, called to walk worthy.  Couples who live together outside the bond of marriage render null and void their Christian testimony.  We are to keep our "vessels unto honor."  It's not about a piece of paper; it's about a holy God Who calls us to a life of holiness.  We must avoid fornication and guard our testimony at all costs.  Believers in Christ are called to live exemplary lives, so as not to frustrate the grace of God.

If you happen to be living with your intended marriage partner at this time, let me encourage you to "move up your wedding date."  God's heart for you is that you walk in obedience to His revealed will and experience His blessings.

How Can I Know God's Will for My Life?

I remember wondering that very question when I was a teenage boy.  It seemed to me that finding God's will was such a mysterious, hard-to-understand issue--almost a shot in the dark!

David says in Psalm 48:8, "I delight to do Your will, O my God..."  Another often-quoted verse pertaining to the will of God is Romans 12:2, "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your ind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

A lot of Christians talk about the perfect and permissible will of God, using this verse as a support.  However, I don't have time or space to elaborate on this teaching.  Another verse that comes to mind is found in 1 Thessalonians 4:3, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification..."  Paul specifically mentions sanctification as it relates to possessing our "vessel (body) in sanctification and honor."

From these passages and more, we discover that God does have a plan and purpose for our lives.  We also learn that above all, His will is that we allow the Holy Spirit to sanctify our lives--in these cases, our minds and bodies.

This subject cannot be adequately treated in this venue, but allow me to offer two principles that I have always operated by when it came to the specific will of God in my life:

1.  First, I believe the will of God is tied in to the gifts and desires that God places within each one of us.  In Psalm 37:4, David says to "Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart."  God does not want us to simply exist.  He desires that we walk in "fullness of joy."  He will not require you to go through life unfulfilled.  He has placed within you special gifts and talents to use for His glory.

What do you like to do?  What incites passion in your life?  What motivates you toward excellence?  What do you often think about?  What desires and assignments has God placed within your spiritual DNA?  

God will sponsor what He initiates!

Ask Him to fine-tune your desires.  Remember, "Your steps are ordered" (Psalm 37:23).  God is not an Indian-giver.  What He deposits inside you, He wishes to use!  But please, try to avoid a "hocus-pocus, waving the magic wand" mentality when it comes to knowing the will of God for your life.  Don't make it so mystical or super-spiritual.  However, don't be surprised either if God uses another believer to confirm what He's already placed within your heart!

2.  Second, I believe the will of God is always accompanied by perfect peace.  "The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You" (Isaiah 26:3) 
When making important decisions in life, I refuse to move ahead until I experience God's perfect peace regarding the matter at hand.

Recently my son, Zach and I went car shopping.  He found a car that he could both afford and one he really liked.  He talked to the dealer and made arrangements to sign the necessary papers the following day.  However, as the day wore on, he became more and more unsettled.  Neither did I have peace about the car.  When I shared my concerns with Zach, he proceeded to share his hesitations with me.  Later, circumstances proved us right, and we were both so glad we did not follow through with the purchase.  The peace of God saved the day (or in our case, a lack of peace).

The will of God is such a vast subject to discuss; however, I've touched upon two very critical principles, which I feel strongly factor into this subject.  I hope this abbreviated discussion helps you.