Frankly, this question stems from the fact that America, historically and culturally, has strayed from biblical absolutes. What does it say to us that even unbelieving couples used to refer to this practice as "shacking up?" I've been waiting for this question! First, Christians do not align with cultural norms, but with the Word of God. The Bible is our authoritative rule for living and conduct. Let me come at this question from several angles.
- Marriage is a covenant relationship between two people and God. You're right, a piece of paper may seal the deal legally, but there's a much deeper principle at work here. God places much importance on marriage vows. He is a covenant God and married couples are required to live in covenant. A covenant, by definition, is an unbreakable agreement between two people. When couples choose to live together outside of God's covenant plan, what they're saying is "that if things don't work out, we can go our separate ways." God's original plan was one man for one woman for life. This is non-negotiable. That's why it's so important that we marry the right person.
- The Bible forbids fornication. What is fornication? Couples fornicate when they engage in sexual activity before they marry. I've actually heard couples say, "We're not sleeping together." Time out! I was born at night, but not last night! You cannot convince me that two sexually healthy, hormonally-driven people in love (or lust) are not going to engage in sexual activity, if given the opportunity. I don't care how spiritual a couple is, they will eventually succumb to their sexual desires. Get real! Our fleshly appetites are fierce contenders. Who are we kidding? When couples have no accountability or are left alone without fear of interruptions, one or the other (probably both) is going to explore "south of the neckline." Many promising couples have lost their virtue and testimony in the heat of passion. God's plan is abstinence until marriage. Of course, there's forgiveness for failure in this area, but it's better if couples not put themselves in the place to fornicate. Frankly, perpetual fornicating is listed in the "not-inheriting-the-kingdom" list in 1 Corinthians 6:9.
- Christians are not to be conformed by this world's standards (Romans 12:1-2). Promiscuity is rampant in our society. God still places a high premium on sexual purity. When I was a teenager, my goal was to remain a virgin until my wedding night. I formed this strong conviction before I started dating. First, I did not date anyone I would not want to marry; and second, I did not forfeit my virtue at the expense of a young lady's reputation and trust; and third, I wanted my future wife to trust me after we married. The enemy often downloads distrust and jealously in the lives of married couples who engage in sexual intercourse before they marry. Jealousy and distrust are harsh taskmasters!
- Couples need to understand the reality and power of "soul ties." There are good and evil soul ties. By definition, a soul tie is an attachment--physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually with another person. Affairs usually begin with unhealthy emotional and mental soul ties, which then lead to physical involvement. Sexual intercourse is much more than two bodies coming together. It is body, soul and spirit coming together. Sex outside the marriage covenant invites disaster every time. The world encourages and applauds multiple sex partners, but God knew that true, healthy marriage relationships flourish only in monogamy. Couples who live together before their vows are sealed in heaven and before men open themselves up to unhealthy soul ties--especially those who break up. Sexual intercourse, of course, consummates marriage, and marriages are not apt to survive that have to "live down" countless ungodly soul ties.
- The Bible says to avoid the very appearance of evil. Christians march to the beat of a different drummer. We are the ecclesia, the "called out ones," who have been called out of darkness into His marvelous light. We live above the pull of sin, the flesh and the devil. Our morals, values and conduct run opposite to what the world models. We are a peculiar people, called to walk worthy. Couples who live together outside the bond of marriage render null and void their Christian testimony. We are to keep our "vessels unto honor." It's not about a piece of paper; it's about a holy God Who calls us to a life of holiness. We must avoid fornication and guard our testimony at all costs. Believers in Christ are called to live exemplary lives, so as not to frustrate the grace of God.
If you happen to be living with your intended marriage partner at this time, let me encourage you to "move up your wedding date." God's heart for you is that you walk in obedience to His revealed will and experience His blessings.
