What About Online & Match-Making Services?

What do you think about the online dating and match-making services, especially the ones that say they're Christian-oriented?

I think you need to be careful!  Let me tell you why.

Nothing beats relationship building one-on-one, person to person.  Talking to individuals in chat rooms is risky because a lot of people are masters at disguising their true identity and character.  I've personally dealt with two women who chose to go online looking for male companionship, and ended up in serious trouble--lawsuits, bodily threats and harassing calls.  Facebook can be a wonderful tool to keep in touch with past and present friends; however, you need to be careful with whom you connect.  Sadly, the world is full of not-so-nice people.  Online dating and match-making websites may screen applicants, but that still does not insure your total safety.

Let me share several insights about online communication:

1.  Online relationships do not allow for eye contact, voice inflections, accurate spiritual discernment, or body language in general.  You can't REALLY get to know someone through cyberspace (even with Skype, FaceTime or video chat).  The other party can still partially maintain his/her anonymity, or allow you to "see" an extremely edited version of themselves.  You could be addressing a serial killer and not know it!

2.  Unfortunately, the world is full of people who have hidden agendas, impure motives and con artists.  Too much information about you may prove harmful to your mental and emotional health.  Be careful.

3.  Cyber-connecting, online dating and even chatting can be dangerous when an individual relinquishes too much personal information.  Cyber voyeurs are looking for people on which to prey.  Misdirected, angry people all too easily obtain information that could lead to scary results.  Did you hear about the woman in California whose online chat partner learned where she lived, and later robbed and murdered her?  This of course, is the exception, but still such online practices beckon us to be very cautious.

When it comes to online dating sites, I guess it's alright if the site is reputable.  From what I understand, these sites protect anonymity until correct "matches" have been found, and the individuals in question give approval (and credit card information!) before names and personal information are released.  I guess this method of connection is better than bar-hopping!  

Let me suggest Christian singles groups and even churches for singles looking for potential mates.  This of course, is after you have prayed for guidance and God's will in this all-important aspect of your life.  I admit it.  I went to Evangel University for two reasons: (1) to get my degree, and (2) to assist Lori with her M.R.S. degree!  I just didn't know her name when I arrived on campus!

Nothing outweighs the beauty and necessity of eye-to-eye contact.  The Holy Spirit gives us much needed discernment when we are able to look into someone's eyes--in person.  Always be suspicious of someone who cannot look you in the eyes when he/she talks to you.  You may be dealing with shyness, but you could also be dealing with trouble   I've taught for years that the eyes are windows to the soul.  Emails, chat rooms, Facebook, and Twitter all have their place, but if you're looking for a date or more important--a life's mate, you need more than the impersonal venue of cyberspace.

God made us to connect!  We are "body" people and we need to exercise our senses.  I love what John writes about Jesus: "What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the Word of life (1 John 1:1)."  Cyberspace provides incomplete, even distorted views.  I know I'm old-fashioned, but I can't imagine marriage proposals made online when two parties have never "heard, seen and touched" in the physical realm.  Yes, I've heard stories about couples finding love online, but I still think it's risky business.

Where Did the Devil Originally Come From?

Good question!

First, let's establish the fact that there is a real devil who hates God, hates people, especially God's people and whose intent on this earth is "to steal, kill and destroy" (John 10:10).

He is the "prince of the power of the air" (Ephesians 2:2).  He is a "liar and the father of lies" (John 8:44).  He is an "angel of light" (2 Corinthians 11:14).  He is "the god of this world" (1 John 5:19).  In short, he is real, but he was defeated by Jesus Christ on the Cross of Calvary.  His final consummation or end will not occur until after the thousand-year reign of Christ, when he is released from his prison to once again deceive the nations.  Then, he will be "thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where (he) the beast and the false prophet had been thrown.  They (he) will be tormented day and night forever and ever" (Revelation 20:10).

Where did he originate?  The best answer and perhaps the passage that gives us the greatest insight as to the devil's origin is found in Isaiah 14:12-15:

"How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn!  You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!  You said in your heart, I will ascend to heaven:  I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain.  I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High, But you are brought down to the grave, to the depths of the pit..."

Many Bible scholars believe that these verses not only refer to the king of Babylon, but also contain a veiled reference to Satan.  In Luke 10:18, Jesus is talking to His disciples and makes this very poignant, interesting statement:  "I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven."  His statement strongly implies that Satan was decisively and suddenly hurled out of heaven, and we believe he made his after-abode on the earth.

Another passage that we dare not overlook in the answering of this question is found in Ezekiel 28:11-19.  Neither time nor space will allow me to comment on the entire passage, so let me just pull from the following verses:

"You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created till wickedness was found in you.  Through your widespread trade you were filled with violence and you sinned.  So I drove you in disgrace from the mount of God, and I expelled you, O guardian cherub, from among the fiery stones.  Your heart became proud on account of your beauty and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor.  So I threw you to the earth; I made you a spectacle of you before kings..." (verses 15-17).

In its context, Ezekiel's prophecy against Tyre's rule appears to contain a veiled description of Satan as the true ruler of Tyre.

Let me summarize.  The Scriptures metaphorically use the king of Babylon and the king of Tyre as types of what happened to Satan, also known as Lucifer, or the devil.  In other words, these historical accounts line up with Satan's demise and subsequent expulsion from heaven.  Both accounts name pride as the catalyst by which the devil fell.  Because of his sinful pride, he was driven from out of the mount of God, or heaven.

What a sad, most unfortunate reality this is!  The earth became his domain at that time, and humankind has shared his domain -the earth--ever since.  Adam's fall into transgression was, of course, a result of the devil's deceitfulness and cunning.  The human race was plummeted into sin because of the enemy's hatred for God.

Let me encourage you today to hug up to the cross, to accept the cleansing power of the blood and to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit every day of your life.  God's arch enemy, our arch enemy, has no authority in our lives because of the blood of Jesus.  He is a defeated foe!  How sad, how unbelievable that this created being had his origins in heaven and chose to defect.

I have left a lot out of this answer, because of the depth of its embrace.  I hope my comments somewhat help you.

Do You Think Christians Should Drink Alcoholic Beverages?

Is this a set up? (LOL)

First, let me say right up front, not that it really matters, I don't drink alcoholic beverages.  However, I'm not ready to play "Holy Spirit" with anyone.  I can tell you, too, that we have people in our churches who drink wine, beer and I'm sure other alcoholic drinks.  And guess what?  I'm leaving them in God's hands!  It's my job to love people; it's the Holy Spirit's job to clean us up!  One acid test, however, is that if we as believers have to "hide" anything we're doing, it's probably not pleasing to the Lord.  Food for thought!

Let me be honest.  I can't drink alcohol, not because I'm a pastor, but because the Holy Spirit convicts me otherwise.  I definitely feel that if I drank alcoholic beverages, I might cause a weak believer or even a "pre-Christian" to stumble.  I never want to hurt my credibility and testimony.  Having said this, let me take you to several often-quoted Scriptures, and then I'll make further comments.

"Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise" (Proverbs 20:1).

"He came again to Cana of Galilee where He had made the water wine" (John 4:46).

"And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit" (Ephesians 4:18).

"No longer drink water exclusively, but us a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments" (1 Timothy 5:23).

"An overseer must...not (be) addicted to wine..." (1 Timothy 3:2-3).

Please note the following principles I gather from these (and other) Scriptures:

1. Drunkenness is absolutely forbidden by the Scriptures.
2. Jewish culture did not view wine like we do in our American culture.  Wine in the Bible was definitely a fermented beverage.  Too many verses, both in the Old and New Testaments affirm this fact.

A discussion about wine drinking cannot be separated from cultural norms.  The use of wine in Bible days was usually centered on festivities like weddings or used for medicinal purposes.  In my opinion, the question of American believers drinking alcoholic beverages must include a discussion of OUR culture.  Believers who use the argument that wine in Bible times was not fermented, need only look at key passages which refer to drunkenness.  I don't think you can build an anti-drinking argument on that basis alone.  

I look to another principle that I feel speaks more pointedly than even fermented vs. non-fermented arguments.  It is the principle Paul expounds in 1 Corinthians 8:9 and 12.  "But take care that this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak...and so, by sinning against the brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ."

You see, you may be able to drink and alcoholic beverage and not feel convicted, but if another believer (or unbeliever) sees you and it causes that person to stumble, then you probably need to leave it alone.  Your liberty may cause someone to lose faith, and you never want that to happen, do you?  I know for sure that if I drank in public (which I don't) and someone who knew me saw me guzzling a beer or whatever, I'm one-hundred-percent sure I would cause an offense or perhaps (worst case scenario) even cause someone to lose out with the Lord.  Like anything else, the drink itself is not the REAL issue; it's how the action negatively affects other people.

In our culture, drinking may be viewed by unbelievers as alright; however, in my experience, when unbelievers see Christians partaking of alcohol, it usually causes them to call into question the believer's walk with Christ.  If you were to travel in Europe and eat with believers, I promise you they would serve you wine with at least the evening meal.  In those cultures wine is treated like drinking water!  Drinking then would not be an issue to anyone!

The REAL issue is not, "Should I drink or not drink?"  The REAL issue is, "Is what I'm doing--whether it's drinking or whatever--going to cause anyone to question the validity of the gospel?"  You must answer that question for yourself!

If a Couple is Planning to Marry, What's Wrong With Them Living Together?

"Pastor Roger, if a couple is planning to marry, what's wrong with them living together?  After all, a marriage license is just a piece of paper."

Frankly, this question stems from the fact that America, historically and culturally, has strayed from biblical absolutes.  What does it say to us that even unbelieving couples used to refer to this practice as "shacking up?"  I've been waiting for this question!  First, Christians do not align with cultural norms, but with the Word of God.  The Bible is our authoritative rule for living and conduct.  Let me come at this question from several angles.

1. Marriage is a covenant relationship between two people and God.  You're right, a piece of paper may seal the deal legally, but there's a much deeper principle at work here.  God places much importance on marriage vows.  He is a covenant God and married couples are required to live in covenant.  A covenant, by definition, is an unbreakable agreement between two people.  When couples choose to live together outside of God's covenant plan, what they're saying is "that if things don't work out, we can go our separate ways."  God's original plan was one man for one woman for life.  This is non-negotiable.  That's why it's so important that we marry the right person.
2. The Bible forbids fornication.  What is fornication?  Couples fornicate when they engage in sexual activity before they marry.  I've actually heard couples say, "We're not sleeping together."  Time out!  I was born at night, but not last night!  You cannot convince me that two sexually healthy, hormonally-driven people in love (or lust) are not going to engage in sexual activity, if given the opportunity.  I don't care how spiritual a couple is, they will eventually succumb to their sexual desires.  Get real!  Our fleshly appetites are fierce contenders.  Who are we kidding?  When couples have no accountability or are left alone without fear of interruptions, one or the other (probably both) is going to explore "south of the neckline."  Many promising couples have lost their virtue and testimony in the heat of passion.  God's plan is abstinence until marriage.  Of course, there's forgiveness for failure in this area, but it's better if couples not put themselves in the place to fornicate.  Frankly, perpetual fornicating is listed in the "not-inheriting-the-kingdom" list in 1 Corinthians 6:9.
3. Christians are not to be conformed by this world's standards (Romans 12:1-2).  Promiscuity is rampant in our society.  God still places a high premium on sexual purity.  When I was a teenager, my goal was to remain a virgin until my wedding night.  I formed this strong conviction before I started dating.  First, I did not date anyone I would not want to marry; and second, I did not forfeit my virtue at the expense of a young lady's reputation and trust; and third, I wanted my future wife to trust me after we married.  The enemy often downloads distrust and jealously in the lives of married couples who engage in sexual intercourse before they marry.  Jealousy and distrust are harsh taskmasters!
4. Couples need to understand the reality and power of "soul ties."  There are good and evil soul ties.  By definition, a soul tie is an attachment--physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually with another person.  Affairs usually begin with unhealthy emotional and mental soul ties, which then lead to physical involvement.  Sexual intercourse is much more than two bodies coming together.  It is body, soul and spirit coming together.  Sex outside the marriage covenant invites disaster every time.  The world encourages and applauds multiple sex partners, but God knew that true, healthy marriage relationships flourish only in monogamy.  Couples who live together before their vows are sealed in heaven and before men open themselves up to unhealthy soul ties--especially those who break up.  Sexual intercourse, of course, consummates marriage, and marriages are not apt to survive that have to "live down" countless ungodly soul ties.
5. The Bible says to avoid the very appearance of evil.  Christians march to the beat of a different drummer.  We are the ecclesia, the "called out ones," who have been called out of darkness into His marvelous light.  We live above the pull of sin, the flesh and the devil.  Our morals, values and conduct run opposite to what the world models.  We are a peculiar people, called to walk worthy.  Couples who live together outside the bond of marriage render null and void their Christian testimony.  We are to keep our "vessels unto honor."  It's not about a piece of paper; it's about a holy God Who calls us to a life of holiness.  We must avoid fornication and guard our testimony at all costs.  Believers in Christ are called to live exemplary lives, so as not to frustrate the grace of God.

If you happen to be living with your intended marriage partner at this time, let me encourage you to "move up your wedding date."  God's heart for you is that you walk in obedience to His revealed will and experience His blessings.